We realize that an unplanned pregnancy doesn’t just happen to her… as the father, you also have decisions to make. Sometimes it’s hard to know how to help or be involved. You deserve to be heard and we want to help you express your thoughts in a way that will help and not hurt.
1) Listen. You have a lot going through your mind, but so does she. Take time to listen without offering solutions. Decisions and details do not have to be made or figured out today or even tomorrow, so don’t rush her. Allow time to bring clarity of thought.
2) Stay calm. She needs your support. Even though she is carrying the baby, you are BOTH parents. The decisions you make will affect the future of all three of you. Do nothing out of fear or selfish reasons, stay calm and think about what is best for everyone.
3) Talk about it- not only with her. Prepare yourself to talk to those closest to you- parents, trustworthy adults, and loyal friends. Hiding secrets from those who can genuinely help will only increase your stress.
4) Gather all of the facts. You will hear lots of advice so make sure to weigh that advice against accurate information. A good decision will make sense not only in your head, but also in your heart.
5) Express yourself honestly. You deserve to be heard as well. Make sure to express your fears, frustrations, and anger but do it with love and respect. Remember this comes after you’ve listened to her and let her know you care.
1) Don’t let your emotions get the best of you. Running away or yelling only make things harder. Man up and stick around.
2) Don’t pressure her. Too much pressure will only push her away and might cause her to make a decision she would later regret. Never manipulate. Do your best to work together and take your time.
3) Don’t forget your role. You have an active part to play…listen, comfort, seek advice, provide your thoughts.
We have men available to talk to you and help with accurate information about your options. They are hear simply to listen to you and help you sort things out. You Are More than a silent bystander. Call us at 652-8343. Read more...
13 Sep 2011
Reality check…you can’t completely control, no matter how hard you try, to protect your heart from bonding with the person you’ve chosen to be intimate with. Oxytocin and vasopressin are two chemicals that are released in your body upon intimacy. They are good and serve a wonderful purpose. Oxytocin is the chemical released when a mother nurses her newborn baby- bonds her to that baby for life. Vasopressin is released in dads when they wrestle with their kids- it’s called the “protector” hormone. It makes them want to protect the person he is with. Amazing how our bodies are designed to bond! How great that we are chemically attached to our spouses and children. However, can you see the danger in setting yourself up to bond with multiple people throughout your life? Intimacy triggers these hormones- doctors have studied the brain and the same part of the brain that is stimulated by drug use is stimulated when these hormones release. No wonder you get “addicted” to the people you are intimate with…that’s the design! So, can you see the problem? When a woman decides to be involved intimately “just for fun” or a guy says “it’s no big deal”- WRONG! Things happen in your body that you can’t control. In marriage, it’s a beautiful thing, but outside of marriage it can create attachments to the wrong people and mess with your heart. Re-think your dating plan. Imagine being free of emotional baggage and attachments on your wedding day, giving yourself to the man of your dreams and not looking back. You are worth a fantastic marriage with great sex so have the patience to put it off until it’s the right time. You Are More than a good time. If you have questions or need to talk, call Hope at 652-8343. Scientific reference: “Why We Love: The Nature and Chemistry of Romantic Love” by Helen Fisher, in The Economist, Feb 2004. Read more...
29 Aug 2011
Have you ever really thought about the term “broken heart”? If you’ve ever been involved in a relationship, you’ve probably experienced the feeling. If you’ve ever been involved sexually and can really be honest with yourself, you know the feeling well. I wonder about the idea of “friends with benefits”…is a person really able to detach emotionally from someone they have shared such intimacy with? A wise man once said, “Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.” This makes such sense…our hearts deserve protection just as much as our physical bodies. Our future will be shaped by the condition of our heart. Imagine living without the heavy emotional baggage (anger, resentment, guilt, depression, distrust, jealousy) of a broken heart. Here’s a challenge…put off sexual activity until you are married. AND we’re talking about all types of sexual activity (anal sex, oral sex, mutual masturbation, etc.) You know it’s true…all of these things are intimate and all of them stir up your emotions. So, how about being radical for the sake of your heart- protect yourself by refusing the negative consequences of sex outside of a committed, married relationship. If you’ve already gone there, don’t believe the lie that its too late for you. Start over and allow your heart to believe that You Are More than a one night stand or a half-hearted commitment. We are here to talk to you and help you with that decision. Call Hope at 652-8343. It’s your life…you get to decide how to live it. Read more...